I'm up at 2:30am, but not for the reasons I used to be....

So, I had a sort of epiphany this morning at 2:30 am while I was attempting with all my might to rock my daughter back into a slumber that would hopefully last until 6am. The epiphany was this.... How things have changed in my life in the last 10 years and how I couldn't have imagined it any better. You see at 2:30 am, I had already been in bed for almost 5 hours, 10 years ago I would have thought I was a boring person. In college we saw 2:30 am often due to the close of the bars, we had not gone to bed yet and probably wouldn't for awhile. Now, I can't even remember the last time I saw 2:30am for something other than tending to the angel that is my daughter. I wouldn't change those college years for anything, they were some of the most fun I have had, and as a treasured friend told me the other day, "you have always lived your life with the motto "no regrets" and this is true. I have no regrets. Well, maybe only one, I wish I would have studied abroad. But, as far as regrets go, this one I can handle. Perhaps I made some poor choices in those years, but I successfully survived them with little scars and many lessons learned.

Now, less than 10 years later, I have a wonderful husband, a great house and a beautiful daughter. I have many friends and family that mean the world to me, I have a job that on most days fulfills me and makes me feel like I am giving back to the world, and each night I go to bed thanking God for thinking I was deserving of all of this fortune. I will admit, while I am thanking God for this, I am also praying that he thinks I am deserving enough to have my daughter sleep through the night. (:

For the past two nights however, Hadley has decided that she can't make it through the night without a bottle. Maybe she's growing, maybe she's just hungry, who knows. There is always that moment when we first hear her stir that we think, "maybe she'll just go back to sleep" and then we lay there and wait and hope. Usually, not too much longer Mike or I are sleepily entering her room because she isn't going back to sleep. I'll admit, most of the time, when it is my turn, I am not overjoyed and thrilled to be awake in the middle of the night, but then I see her. I look over the side of her crib and our eyes meet. When she recognizes that I am there she gets the biggest smile on her face and I can't help but laugh. This has been the case the last two nights. At first I am just wishing that we were having one of the nights that she sleeps from 8pm to 6am and then, as I sit in the rocking chair that my parents used to rock me long ago, I secretly cherish the moment. I love that her body conforms to mine and she snuggles against my chest. I even wonder for a moment, maybe she just woke up because she wanted to have this moment with me. Although that is probably not the case, I still wonder it.

So, as I am on my second cup of coffee for the morning because I am just a little extra tired today due to my middle of the night rendezvous with my daughter I am still thanking God. Thank you God for the life that you have given me, I couldn't have imagined it any better.