Post Race

I love life. I love that no matter how old you are you keep learning things about yourself. I realized something recently, it takes me time to emotionally process things sometimes. It is four days after the triathlon and I just had my "finish" moment. I went for a walk, and for some reason, really wanted to listen to the playlist that I used to listen to last August when I was going through the neck issue. I listened to that playlist every single night during that month and a half of hell. It brought me endless peace. That is another thing I realized recently in my life, few things bring me as much peace as music does.

Back to the moment...

It is a gorgeous night and there is nothing better than a walk once night has fallen, next to the water in Port Washington. It is simply beautiful. As I walked along the water I was suddenly brought to tears. I finally, all of the sudden, allowed myself to have my moment. The moment in which I let myself feel the pride that you feel when you truly accomplish something.

The day of the triathlon was moving. It was amazing. However, at the same time, I was so focused on getting through that I didn't have that much time to process what was occurring. When I finished, I felt proud and happy, but I was so excited to see my family and friends that I didn't really emotionally process what just happened.

Tonight I did.

I let myself sit down by the water, close my eyes, and remember every moment.

I remember driving to Kenosha at 4:15 in the morning, listening to my running playlist, crying my eyes out one moment and laughing with excitement the next. If only there would have been a camera filming that drive!

I remember how insanely long it felt to wait from 6:30 until my start at 8am. I remember thinking this is the longest I have stood in just my swimming suit with 4000 people around me!

I remember holding the hand of my dear friend as we walked to the edge of the water to await our start and we both were shaking. I remember hearing them countdown from 10 to 1 and thinking, you are about to do this, it is finally here. I remember the swim and how alone I felt even though there were hundreds of people in the water with me. It was so quiet in the water. I remember smiling at one point because I realized I was already half way through the swim.

I remember seeing my family and friends for the first time. I can see their smiles and hear their yells. I remember my sister asking me if I needed my inhaler and laughing at how cute I thought that was. I remember how hard it was to get my tank top on over my swim suit because I was wet and the girl next to me and I were laughing because for some reason that was hilarious to us in that moment.

I remember getting on my bike and trying to take it all in. I remember praying to God that I would not get a flat tire, because even though I had learned how to change it, I was scared to actually do it. I remember looking down at my odometer thinking, really that was only 3 miles? I remember how gorgeous the views were along the bike ride and that I actually reminded myself at one point to remember this.

I remember my friend Missy yelling to me as I passed her on the ride and how much I enjoyed the last 5 or so miles of us staying together and just chatting.

I remember seeing those just beginning the bike when I was at the end thinking that I was glad I was at the end. I remember getting anxious about the run as I reached the end of the bike. I remember seeing my friends and family again with their smiles and cheers and how proud I was that they were there.

I remember the run. Every single inch of the run. Running has always been difficult for me. I was nervous from the time I agreed to do this about the run. It doesn't help that it is at the end, after you have already swam and biked. It was rough for me.

I remember Missy's words of encouragement, she kept telling me that I could do it.

I remember when I got near the end and there began to be spectators along the route. They were cheering so loud. It was awesome. I could see the end. It was actually going to come to an end. I looked down at my watch, I was under two hours. I couldn't believe it. I thought it would take me close to two and a half hours. I saw all of my friends and family, I was smiling, almost laughing, I had done it. I reached the end and they put my finish metal around my neck and said, "congratulations, you are a triathlete". My friend Missy, the one that made me believe I could do this, was there. We hugged for a long time and cried. I saw the rest of my friends and family and we all hugged and it was awesome. I remember picking up Hadley and just hugging her for a long time, what I think now is that I hope she will know as she grows up that you can do anything you want if you believe in yourself.

It wasn't until tonight though that I really felt it. I really did it. I really did something that I never, ever, thought I could do. I don't think there are words to sum up what that feels like. It is a feeling I get to keep all for myself. I will try to remember it forever.