Thursday, July 17, 2008

Nothing left unsaid

Every once in awhile I get a little sappy in my life and want to put my thoughts on paper. Did I just say paper? Does paper exist anymore? Anyway, I want to put my thoughts on the computer.... So many things have been going through my head lately. Several of our friends have lost their parents in the past few weeks, it has been quite eye opening. A friend of mine said to me, "how scary is it that we have entered the stage of life that we now are going to see each other at parents funerals and not at weddings?" that is scary, but true. It makes you realize that the amazing people that raised us are humans and mortal even though we think they are not. It makes you really truly think about the people that have raised you and how much they mean to you. One of these parents that was recently lost inspired me to do something. She inspired me to leave nothing left unsaid in my life with those I love. She was one that was a true gift to humans and those that were lucky enough to know her. I didn't even know her that long, but in the time I did I realized the greatness of who she was. She made me take the time to tell my parents how much I love them and how grateful I am that they are mine. I was blessed to have four parents in my life. Each and every one of them has touched me and is just as important to me as the next.

While I truly hope that Hadley only has two parents in her life, I feel fortunate enough to have had four. I hope that Hadley feels the love that I have felt all of my life. Even in the teenage years when I thought I "hated" my parents because I wanted to stay out later or do some activity that they didn't think I should. I always felt loved. I always felt that they were proud of me. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that Hadley feels that love. I want her to never ever doubt for one single second the love that I have for her. My life has become defined by her. It's not that she is all that I am. I still am the School Social Worker, wife, friend, daughter, reader, and all the other things that I am. However, she is what can bring me joy above no other. The complete fulfillment I feel when I do things like order Elmo Sesame Street Live tickets or go to Wal Mart to buy a kiddie pool at 9:30 at night because the thought of what that will do to enhance just one moment of her life completes me. The fact that even though I would love to sleep one more hour, hearing her call out "mommy" at 6 in the morning never gets old. The way my heart melts when she comes running over to me across the room and says "hugs mommy, I love you".

I always wanted to be a mom, from the moment I was a young girl. I never questioned the fact that I wanted children. Even though I know there are many tough times ahead of us when she becomes a teenager and I am sure I will hear the words "I hate you", she will always have that large section of my heart with her name on it. And I will always tell her every single day of our life together that she is loved unconditionally and that she makes me incredibly proud. For that life lesson, I thank you Linda.


The Myers Family said...


Perfectly stated. You are such an amazing person, Jill. You are a wonderful mother, wife and friend, not unlike Linda! As a mother, I identify completely with your feelings. Still wiping the tears away.


Joseph D. Myers said...

Beautiful, beautiful words, Jill. I know that my Mom is very proud of you.