Babies

So, my friend Melanie and I have been through many things together in our friendship. Some have been good, some bad, but we've always stuck it through together. It is wonderful to have a life long friend that you know will always be there. Melanie is one of those friends for me. Here we are, both showing off our baby bellies. I can't wait till the babies are on the outside and get to meet each other!

Dressing up

Christmas pics

So, I did not do a stellar job of taking pics this year for Christmas. I posted the few that I did take below. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

Christmas Eve

We went to Grandma and Grandpa Jankowski's for Christmas Eve. Here are some pics of the kids playing.

Big girl room

Here are the pics of the long awaited big girl room. There are some cosmetic things still to happen, but you have the idea. Hadley absolutely loves her room!

The brand new closet that Mike built!

Sometimes I have these moments when I am overwhelmed with emotion. Sometimes it's because of my daughter, sometimes it's because of my life, and sometimes it's because of something completely random.

This week was tough.

I can't explain the details of why, because of what I do it is confidential. However, what I can say is that sometimes the pain of what the children I work with go through is too much for me. Sometimes it literally hurts my heart. By thursday of this week I was driving home in tears.

You see, I work with the kids that aren't necessarily excited for Christmas or Christmas break. They don't have a loving home to go to for 16 days, they look at it as hell. They don't have a beautiful tree that will have tons of presents under it Christmas morning. The truth is, they would rather be at school. There they are safe. There they know what to expect. That is what hurts my heart. My daughter will never know what they know. Sure, she'll have pain, sure she'll experience some unpleasant things, but never what these kids experience. She always knows that she is loved, we tell her a hundred times a day. She'll never feel the pain of a beating. She'll never have to go hungry or without a present on an occasion.

When people ask what I do the response is usually, "I could never do something like that". This is my fear.... What if everyone said that? Who would these kids have? In fact, after watching the movie The Blind Side last night it makes me mad I can't do more. All the way home from the movie I kept thinking, "what more can I do to help?" A lot of times I have been asked if I wish I could stay home with my daughter or this next baby. The honest to God truth is that I don't have that wish. It has nothing to do with not wanting to be with them and everything to do with who I am. I just can't not help. I just can't not do something more than just me and my family. It is just who I am. I would be lost without it.

Sometimes it keeps me awake, sometimes it makes my mind constantly spin. What more can I do? What I am missing? It pains me to no end to think of all the children in this world that are living in hell. I wish I could help them all. I wish I could do more. For now though, I will go to work every day and help the ones that I can. I will love my daughter and this next baby and give them the best life I know how to give. I will teach them the importance of giving back and making a difference. For now, that is the best I can do and I'm okay with that.

Take a moment this holiday season when you are frustrated because the chaos is too much or the person next to you in line is driving you crazy or the person driving in front of you is making you angry to just stop. Just stop for a moment and recognize that it isn't worth your frustration, you have a good life. Just smile because you get to go home to a house that feels like a home with a family that makes you happy.

Wishing everyone the happiest of holidays.

Love

As told to Auntie Lulu...

Auntie Lulu: "Hadley, what does love feel like?"

Hadley: "the sun"

love it.

Cookie making

Decorating the christmas tree

Those of you who know my husband know that he loves a big Christmas tree. It has become a bit of a running joke between he and I. Every year he says, "this year I'll see if I can get one that's not quite so big Jill" and every year I laugh to myself because I know that is just not possible for him. He thinks it bothers me, but secretly I just love it. I love watching him scour the entire lot for the perfect tree. I love watching his eyes light up when he's found "the one". It really is so sweet. I think I love it so much because of the bigger picture. The truth is, he wants it to be perfect for our family, just like everything else. He strives to be the perfect husband and father and pretty much achieves it. The man is simply amazing. He adores being a father more than there are words to describe. He takes a genuine interest in teaching our daughter everything he can think of while playing with her as much as he possibly can. He is an amazing husband that isn't perfect, but takes the time to admit it when he isn't. He has told me every single day of our entire life together, which is approaching 9 years!, that I am beautiful and he loves me. Even on the days that we don't like each other that much! (: Each night when I go to bed I truly thank God for my life. For the fact that we don't have everything, but we don't need it, for the fact that every day isn't perfection, but we don't need that either. For the fact that we struggle, but we grow and learn from it.

So, that is why I love that my husband just has to have the biggest, most perfect tree and it truly is.

First snowfall of the season!

Hadley LOVES snow. The child has been waiting for it to snow for weeks. She just loves it. We played outside for an hour tonight and she just giggled the whole time. It is SO cute! Here are some pics!

16 weeks

Here "we" are at 16 weeks!

some pics

Here are a few of our cutie dressed up recently. The last one is of Hadley and daddy, cold, but having fun at the Port Christmas parade!