30

30. The number 30 can represent a lot. Yesterday it represented how many years I have been alive. Many say hitting the age of 30 is traumatic or a major milestone. I didn't feel any different yesterday than I had the day before or today for that matter. It was just another day essentially. I brought doughnuts to my new job, got several Happy Birthday phone calls, and got a special dinner and some presents from my husband and daughter.

However, on my drive to work I thought of the Tim McGraw song, "my next 30 years" and I took the opportunity to think about what I have accomplished in the past 30 years. It is rather overwhelming to think of all that has happened in that time. I experienced my entire childhood, attended college, got a job in the real world, attended college again, got another job in the real world, met a boy, bought a house, got engaged, got married, had a baby, and got my last and current job in the real world. It has been a busy 30 years.

I tried to think of what was the biggest highlight of my life thus far, since this was supposed to be a milestone that I was hitting. It was simply too hard to pick, so what I did instead was to relive in my head all of the most amazing moments I have experienced. I remembered how proud I felt on the day that I graduated with my Masters degree. I remembered the moment Mike asked me to be his wife. I remembered the moment I saw Mike for the first time on our wedding day. I remembered the exact moment in which I found out I was going to be a mother. I remembered what potentially could have been the coolest thing I will ever experience, seeing my daughter born and holding her for the first time. That moment still brings me to tears.

Mike and were talking as we ate dinner last night, with all that has happened in the past 30 years, it makes you wonder will happen in the next 30. Perhaps another baby, another house, another job, more vacations, watching your child or children grow up, retire, who knows? The most exciting part for me as I look forward to the next thirty years is that I am thrilled to have a wonderful family to go through the years with.

I thank God every night when I lay my head down to go to sleep that I was fortunate to recieve the life I always wanted. I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world. So, here's to my next 30 years, if they are half as good as the last 30 I'll be thrilled.

bouncing baby

This doesn't need much explanation it is hilarious!

Pretty in pink

summer party

We went to an annual party our friends Jon and Cecilia have every year this weekend. The craziest thing was, three of the four kids in this picture were in utero last year at the party! We learned yesterday that there will be a couple more babies in attendance next year!

Six month pics

Here are the rest of Hadley's six month pictures. Enjoy! Sorry about the sideways, not sure how to fix that.

Teaser....

So, we had Hadley's six month pictures taken today and they turned out wonderful. This happens to be one of my most favorite ones. However, I can't post them all because the CD they gave us of them is messed up. So here is a teaser for the moment and I hope to stop by tomorrow after my first day at my new job to get the new CD of all the pictures. We can't believe our little girl is already six months old! She is doing so much. Just in the last few weeks she has gotten two teeth, says mama, baba, dada and lala. It's not that she knows that mike and I are mama and dada, but it is still cool to hear her say it. She sits completely unassisted and is up on all fours, although not crawling yet. It is crazy. She is our whole world and we couldn't be happier to be her parents. So, enjoy the pic, hopefully I'll have the rest up tomorrow.

A visit to the park

"the sun is in my eyes mom!"

Today, before dinner, daddy, mommy and Hadley headed to the park for the first time! Hadley had a blast. She particularly liked the swings. On another note, Hadley has a second tooth!!!

FINALLY!!!

We woke this morning to find a surprise in Hadley's mouth, her first tooth!!!! So exciting!!!! I would put a picture of it up, but there is no way she is letting that happen, she barely lets us look at it!!!

A moment with mommy...

Moments like this are my most favorite in the world, I will remember them forever.

Random pics

We went up to Appleton for the night on friday night to see some of mary's siblings that were in town. While there, Hadley met a boy that was only 3 days younger than her! It was cute to see them together! It is amazing how much she is changing. She sits completely unassisted now and gets up on her hands and knees (doesn't go anywhere yet, but she's close!). We just can't believe how fast she is growing! Everyone says it, but you don't realize how fast time goes.

Dad goes fishing

Mike got to go on a charter deep sea fishing trip on friday morning. He caught a really big fish and had a great time.

Eating the lion

Hadley finds it absolutely hilarious when she gets the feet of the lion in her mouth and doesn't have to hold on. You can't help but laugh watching this one!

New Beginnings....

I gave my notice today at work. The news was out and my position was posted within two hours. Almost everyone that I work with came to my office to hear what was going on and to congratulate me. Everyone was geniunely happy for me. I am emotionally exhausted from the day. It was such a mix of emotions that I felt today. I am thrilled at this new experience that is awaiting me and I know that it is the right choice for me. However, I also realized that for the first time in eight years, I am leaving child welfare and although it may sound crazy, there is a slight sadness in that.

Child welfare has been my life for the past eight years, it has been my demon and it has defined me. It has brought me to happy and sad tears, challenged my morals and thinking, and made me a stronger, more committed individual. There is much that I will say goodbye to and never miss, some that I will remember, some that will forever haunt me, and some that I will never forget because it allowed me to feel as though I changed a life. While I realize that I am moving into another position that will still afford me the rewarding capability to change and affect lives, there is nothing quite the same as child welfare.

I will never again feel the pain of terminating someone's parental rights, even if they did enough bad things to deserve it. I will never have to go to a young child and take them to a foster home where they have never been before and don't understand why they just can't be with their mommy or daddy. I never have to get in my car when leaving the child in that strange, albeit safe, home and cry all the way back to the office because even though their mommy or daddy did bad, that child would still give anything in the world to be at home with them. These are the things I will never miss.

Some of the things I will miss are the moments I will forever cherish. The times I've been able to reunify a child with their mom and/or dad and know that it is because they have taken the difficult steps to overcome their issues to be a safe parent. The times a parent has looked at me and thanked me from the bottom of their heart for helping them become a better person. The times in which a child has given me the biggest and most sincere hug for helping them. The foster parents I have had the privledge to work with and become friends with. The co workers that have been there in the good times and the bad because something about child welfare makes you a family.

It is a big burden to know that you took part in taking someone's child away from them, especially when you take them away forever. Most people feel that when someone does something bad enough to warrant their child removed, they never deserve to get them back. That is true some of the time, but not the majority. There are many parents that I have met that have had a terrible life and made some equally terrible decisions, but given the right support and help, have been able to turn their lives around. Those are the good days. Unfortunately, most of the time the good days are few and far between. There are so many hurdles that these clients have to overcome to be successful and a lot of times, the hurdles are just too much. There are so many moments that I will never forget. I am so grateful for the experience and believe that it has shaped me for this next step in my life.

I look forward to the future and this next adventure. I look forward to the new and different kinds of experiences that being a School Social Worker will bring me. I look forward to being in a more preventative setting instead of a reactive one. Perhaps most of all, I look forward to the many days I will be able to be more of a part of my daughters every moment. After all, that is what life is all about, being there for the ones you love. So, with that said, here goes, my next step...

State Fair

We took Hadley to her first fair today, the State Fair. She loved all the different things to see and being outside. Dad and mom had a good time too. Anytime we get to do something new with Hadley we get so excited! Here are a couple pics from the day.

Post about mom.

So, I didn't make a big deal out of this decision or say much to anyone, but I decided to go back and re-engage in Weight Watchers 5 weeks ago when I realized that the baby weight wasn't coming off anymore. I had started up some poor eating habits while pregnant and I was still about 23 pounds more than I was when I started the pregnancy. I decided it was time to do something. So, I have to say, I made a true commitment to eating better and watching my portions. I am now 5 weeks into weight watchers and have lost 13.8 pounds. I am starting to feel much more comfortable in my clothes and am proud of myself. I have only 9 pounds more to go to get to my pre-pregnancy weight and who knows where I'll go after that! Anyway, I didn't want to post this because I was looking for kudos, I was just posting because I didn't realize how hard it can be to lose the baby weight and I have realized there is nothing wrong with having to turn to some help to do so!