New Beginnings....

I gave my notice today at work. The news was out and my position was posted within two hours. Almost everyone that I work with came to my office to hear what was going on and to congratulate me. Everyone was geniunely happy for me. I am emotionally exhausted from the day. It was such a mix of emotions that I felt today. I am thrilled at this new experience that is awaiting me and I know that it is the right choice for me. However, I also realized that for the first time in eight years, I am leaving child welfare and although it may sound crazy, there is a slight sadness in that.

Child welfare has been my life for the past eight years, it has been my demon and it has defined me. It has brought me to happy and sad tears, challenged my morals and thinking, and made me a stronger, more committed individual. There is much that I will say goodbye to and never miss, some that I will remember, some that will forever haunt me, and some that I will never forget because it allowed me to feel as though I changed a life. While I realize that I am moving into another position that will still afford me the rewarding capability to change and affect lives, there is nothing quite the same as child welfare.

I will never again feel the pain of terminating someone's parental rights, even if they did enough bad things to deserve it. I will never have to go to a young child and take them to a foster home where they have never been before and don't understand why they just can't be with their mommy or daddy. I never have to get in my car when leaving the child in that strange, albeit safe, home and cry all the way back to the office because even though their mommy or daddy did bad, that child would still give anything in the world to be at home with them. These are the things I will never miss.

Some of the things I will miss are the moments I will forever cherish. The times I've been able to reunify a child with their mom and/or dad and know that it is because they have taken the difficult steps to overcome their issues to be a safe parent. The times a parent has looked at me and thanked me from the bottom of their heart for helping them become a better person. The times in which a child has given me the biggest and most sincere hug for helping them. The foster parents I have had the privledge to work with and become friends with. The co workers that have been there in the good times and the bad because something about child welfare makes you a family.

It is a big burden to know that you took part in taking someone's child away from them, especially when you take them away forever. Most people feel that when someone does something bad enough to warrant their child removed, they never deserve to get them back. That is true some of the time, but not the majority. There are many parents that I have met that have had a terrible life and made some equally terrible decisions, but given the right support and help, have been able to turn their lives around. Those are the good days. Unfortunately, most of the time the good days are few and far between. There are so many hurdles that these clients have to overcome to be successful and a lot of times, the hurdles are just too much. There are so many moments that I will never forget. I am so grateful for the experience and believe that it has shaped me for this next step in my life.

I look forward to the future and this next adventure. I look forward to the new and different kinds of experiences that being a School Social Worker will bring me. I look forward to being in a more preventative setting instead of a reactive one. Perhaps most of all, I look forward to the many days I will be able to be more of a part of my daughters every moment. After all, that is what life is all about, being there for the ones you love. So, with that said, here goes, my next step...